Thursday, October 27, 2005

tired

I've had an exhausting week. My new hero is my boss, who suggested that we close up the store early today (we took him up on that without hesitation). Tomorrow, I only have one class and no work, so I can finally relax, after nearly going insane this week. I love Fridays. I even really like my one class.

Monday, October 24, 2005

secrets

I pretty much created this blog so that I can talk about things that I keep from other people. I've never been good at keeping a journal. I think the difference between that and this is the possibility that someone could read this. They could come along and comment but they wouldn't be someone that knows me. It could be a person that randomly comes here, or I could go comment on some of the blogs that I read using this website and that person could come over here and comment. I like that I feel entirely free to say whatever I want. I can talk about getting a D in a class last semester (I'm normally very sensitive about my grades and keep them from pretty much everyone), my entirely embarrassing addiction to Smallville fanfic, or the fact that I'm not completely happy with my relationship with my boyfriend. I could even talk about my sex life (or current lack thereof) on here without worrying about offending anyone or making sure that there are no faculty members around anywhere that could overhear things. I think I worry too much about keeping parts of me secret, but at the same I have to keep some things quiet. Like drinking alcohol - I could get suspended for that (I don't do it much, but I still have to sneak around and like about it). Sigh. I love my friends, but I just can't tell them everything. I suppose hardly anyone tells people everything. I just wish I didn't have to keep my opinions on political issues quiet even in political science classes because I know I would get ripped to shreds over my thoughts on abortion or homosexuality.
It always makes me smile when I find out that someone else (whether I know them or not) on campus thinks like I do. I went to an on campus party (so obviously no alcohol) on Saturday night (lots of fun - it was a costume party and I went as catwoman) and was commenting to a friend about a guy I think is hot and she told me that he was kind of drunk so I should go make a move. I reminded her that I have a bf. A few minutes later I realized that she was rather drunk herself. Anyway, it's nice to know that there are hot (and single) guys on campus who think like I do. I'm not much of a drinker - I learned my lesson a couple of years ago when I drank so much I spent most of the rest of the weekend throwing up (actually even before then I didn't drink often). It's just the fact of knowing that someone isn't completely Christian in the way that everyone on campus is. I get tired of the same kind of people. It's nice to know that there are others on campus (especially hot and single ones).

Thursday, October 20, 2005

movies, books, and TV

One of my favorite movies is The Village. It's a wonderful mixture of sweetness, determination, and intensity. I was reminded of a quote from that movie today. One character says something along the lines of, "Sometimes we do the opposite of what we want to do so that others will not know that we want to do them." I know this is true. Sometimes I wonder how much it plays into my own life...
On another note, I checked out several books from the library today. Am I the only person who checks out things, knowing that I won't read them? Probably not. And I probably will read at least some of each of the books. The one that I'm most excited about is called Sociology Through Science Fiction. It is a collection of essays on sociological topics interspersed with short scifi stories or excerpts from scifi books. It looks just so cool that I may have to buy it - that is, if it's still in print. The copy I found is from 1970.
Well, now I'm off to watch mindless television - Smallville, CSI, and then Joey and Will & Grace, taped while I watched Smallville. Oh, Thursday night television, you are my god (don't worry, that's just an expression - I am still completely committed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster).

Sunday, October 09, 2005

conservative religious beliefs

I spend a lot of time hearing beliefs that I know aren't true of all Christians, and yet they are presented as if every Christian either does or should believe them. The arrongance of some people in conservative circles never ceases to amaze me. Who are they to say what anyone else should believe? They really seem to believe that people who don't believe exactly the same as they do aren't true Christians. I find that really disturbing.
I also hear a lot about intelligent design. I really wish that I knew what true scientists believe on the issue of criticism of evolution. I'm sure that there are valid criticisms of evolution, I just never know what to believe because attending a religious school, and having spent most of my life at similar schools, I find that people who believe that the Bible's account of creation is true will latch on to anything, however rational, to defend their beliefs. I read a quote today that I don't want to forget. Andrew Sullivan, a Catholic, at said "Anyone who believes that the world was literally created in six days a few thousand years ago is not expressing his or her 'reliogious beliefs. Believeing something that is demonstrably and empirically untrue in not religion. It is simply superstition or lunacy. It has nothing to do with faith in things we cannot know. The notion that it should actually be taught in public schools as science is beneath even debating." I don't really know if all of this is true or not, but I'm sure that some of it is. I know that it's true that a lot of people do not express their true religious beliefs. Sometimes what people think that they believe doesn't actually make any sense or doesn't correspond with other things that they claim to believe. I find that I encounter that in people who don't ever seem to have questioned their faith.
Anyway, I try to screen a lot of things that I hear on certain topics, such as evolution or homosexuality or other stuff, before actually accepting it. This is especially true of things that I hear from religious groups. After hearing things that I know to be untrue from certain pastors and others I guess I'm a little paranoid. I know a lot of good people who are Christians and I don't have a particular problem with Christians in general, but I know that I could never be one.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Well, I've created a blog that I don't intend to tell anyone I know about. I need a place to share what I'm thinking without having to tell people things that I'm uncomfortable with them knowing about me. I am not going to put any personal information on here because I don't want anyone I know finding out about it and reading it. No, my name isn't Shannon, but I think it's a good alias. I'm 21, I'm a Senior in college but not planning to graduate this school year, I have a pretty serious boyfriend, and there are many things about me that I don't tell anyone.
To start with, I'm not a Christian. I go to a conservative Christian college because I grew up in a conservative Christian family. I don't really believe in God and I almost never go to church. This is one of my biggest secrets. My family probably wouldn't be angry if I told them, but they'd be really disappointed and they wouldn't understand. Some of my friends know how I feel, but only the ones who are also not Christian or are unsure where they stand religiously. The rest of them think that I at least believe in God, although I think many of them know that I don't always go to church. My non-belief is my non-Christianity. I wish I didn't have to hide this, but I find it makes things much easier. People are happier in their obliviousness.
So here I am, starting this so that I can tell the world, but not the people I really care about how I really feel about everything. I feel really weird having this face that I show to everyone and never feeling like I can tell them the truth about who I really am.