Friday, November 03, 2006

Changing colleges, etc

I'm still getting comments on that post that's 2 down from this one. I'm so amazed. I've never had that many comments on anything I've posted, either here or on the 3 or 4 other blogs that I've had in the past couple of years. I once got about 8 comments on a post that I made about chastity belts and I got another 8 comments when I posted this exchange:

Female Friend: I'm really horny. How should I deal with this?
Me: My current strategy is one of denial and repression.
Male Friend: Ha! You call me when that falls apart. I'll be happy to help you out with it.

I guess all I have to do to get people reading and commenting is to really write about what I feel, which is something I rarely do. I am, however, planning on doing this more often here. I don't always feel comfortable posting certain things where all of my friends can read them. As none of them know about this blog, I'm planning on taking advantage of that.

Thanks to the people who commented with suggestions and everything. I followed some of the links and read a couple of articles. When I get a free moment, which probably won't happen tll Christmas break or so, I'm going to spend a little more time actually following through on some of the suggestions. Thank you to the commenter who suggested a Unitarian church. I've actually considered checking it out. Unfortunately, this requires motivation to get out of bed before 1pm on a Sunday. I also haven't had much time to look into whether there are any close to where I am. I think that there's one within a half an hours drive or so. Someday I'll check it out.

As for transferring, it's not that it's bad advice or anything, just that in my particular situation it would really do me any good. I'm going to graduate in May and I wouldn't want to have to study any longer to get a degree, which is what would happen if I were to attend somewhere else. I've already been here for over four years. It'll be a total of 5 by the time I've graduated and I'm ready to be done with school for a while. I do plan to go to law school, but I really am going to need some time with a job next year. Also, while there have been certain negative things about attending here, I really do think that it was the right choice for me to have made. I don't regret it at all. If I had gone somewhere else, I know that I still would consider myself an atheist. The difference is that I would always wonder if I had gone to a Christian college if things would have been different. I would wonder if I would have been able to muster up some good Christian faith and actions and saved myself and my family the grief of being at such odds with each other. I suffer from enough self doubt and I know that I don't want that. I know for sure now that there really is no way for me to be a Christian. I am the way I am and nothing could change that. You have no idea how much confidence that gives me. I need that feeling and I wouldn't trade it for anything, including being at a secular college where I am accepted. I'll get out in to secular society soon enough. Yes, I'm looking forward to it. But that doesn't mean that things are awful right now. I'm actually content with my life - which believe me is a first. Sure there are things I'd like to change. Some days are worse than others. Some days are better. Actually, come to think of it, I've gone several days without hearing a mention of God. Wow, the super religious people are slipping. How did they manage to let me get away with that?

Anyway, my life has stress. Sometimes that comes from being in a religious environment. Sometimes it doesn't. For the moment the stress is coming from tons of schoolwork, insomnia, and back pain, which I'm pretty sure is caused by carrying around about 35 pounds of books 3 days a week.

I am going to post more this weekend (I promise). One things I want to talk about is how hard it is to date on a campus where most people will only date another Christian.

Sadly, I have to go study for a test. Yes, at 2 o'clock in the morning. The insomnia is hitting me hard tonight. If I honestly thought I could go to sleep, I would forego the studying for the sleep.


At 10:34 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

I think you are smart to know that it's more harm than good to switch your whole life around at this point.


I'd say don't date. Why bother? If all you are going to do is open yourself up to either ridicule or evangelistic overtures, just don't date.

Graduate, and then move on to your next step.

Best of luck.

At 9:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I graduated from Grove City College, which is a pretty darn conservative place. I never 'came out' real openly, but it wasn't a big secret. There were lots of other people on campus that were gay and we eventually found one another.

I just made sure that I wasn't doing anything that I could get kicked out for--and people were surprisingly obtuse. They really don't want to ask or have you tell, in my experience.

Good luck to you--I am glad that I got through my four years relatively unscathed. Going to a secular college would have been a better choice for me in a lot of ways, but I certainly learned from my time at GCC.

At 9:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And now I just realized that your 'coming out' post was about atheism, not sexuality (I got here from ex gay watch, so I just assumed...)

Yeah, atheism isn't too popular on Christian colleges and would just get you lots of people wanting to convert you (that was also my experience). Don't waste your breath on them.

At 12:06 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Yeah, I realized before I wrote the post that coming out could be taken to be about sexuality, but I couldn't think of a better way to describe it. I do think that there are a lot of similarities, though. Anytime that someone has a deep secret that they are at times ashamed of and have wished that it would disappear, there are going to be a lot of similarities to secrets about sexuality.


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