The words that no one hears

I've been single for about six months. In May, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. While it was a good relationship, I know that ending it was the right thing to do. I've been kinda lonely since then. Many of my good friends have graduated and left. Some of them are still around, but I haven't spent a lot of time with them this semester. I haven't really even considered the possibility of dating. Since last March (I was in a long distance relationship, which is why I didn't have any dates between March and May), I've been on one date. It was a good date and all and I would like to ask that guy out again, but I've just been too busy and I think he has, too.

Truthfully, I don't have a huge preference about whether I'm in a relationship or not. There are a lot of wonderful things about being with someone that I certainly miss, but I'm okay with being single. My sister was never single for more than about 2 months at a time since she was 15 and I think she may have missed out. I know that she's happily married and all, but I can't imagine myself being that way. I think that people learn a lot about themselves by being in relationships and by being single.

The problem with all of this is that I'm not really allowing myself the possibility of being in a relationship. Every time the thought enters my mind I push it out. While I don't think that it is a negative thing to not be dating, I think that the state that I am currently in is a bad one to be in. I'm fine being single, but I don't want to disallow myself to date, which is what I'm currently doing. I think that I'm in a negative emotional state at the moment. I'm not sure if it's because I am not allowing myself relationship possibilities or if it's just because I'm stressed out about school and not getting enough sleep because of it.

Regardless, I know that next semester will be better. I actually only need about 12 credits to graduate, although I'll probably end up taking 14 or 15. I don't think that they'll be too hard and I know that I'm going to like them. Even if I am in a better place then, the only guy that I have any modicum of interest in (the one I went on a date with) is probably still going to be in that stressed out state. He's working on his masters and is going to graduate in May. He has to have his thesis done next semester, so I'm not even sure if there is any possibility for us. It might just not work because of all of the stuff that he'll have to be doing.

*Just a note here: I actually was going to make this post more about sex and how I think I'm repressing that part of myself. Somehow it turned into my thoughts on dating. Not sure how that happened.

posted by Shannon @ 6:12 PM